Today, June 21st, marks 5 months since my arrival in Timor Leste, a first time UNV arriving with bright eyes and excitement and adventure on her mind.
It also marks the 1 month countdown until my departure from Timor Leste, a weary, somewhat disappointed and exhausted shadow of her former self...
I have one month to go...somehow that seems to sum it all.
I will be counting these days avidly, deliriously wishing for that imminent day to arrive!
When I was called up for an interview to come I was asked 4, maybe 5 questions. One of them was, "are you ready to live in a post-conflict country with minimum to basic conditions?" Having lived in Angola during the civil war when power cuts and water shortages were more frequent than not, when we would wake up in the middle of the night with gunfire and where the sight of crippled or amputated men, women and children was a daily occurrence, I said "Yes, of course". And to be honest I was, I still am. I have never been one to cringe at camping it out, living with the bare necessities, making the most out of a dire situation...an optimist if we must stay, but living in Timor has taken a very unexpected toll on my sanity and well-being, two things which I am in a hurry to recover...
Don't get me wrong, I really liked my experience here. It has been like no other that I have ever had, in all senses. My national and international colleagues have been great and the elections have been really exciting, something I will never forget...
But I feel beaten down and everyday that passes something else occurs that only further instills in mind the need to go, to depart...maybe to come back another day, in a couple of years, when this country has had a better chance to grow, where it is not crippled by incompetence and nepotism. This country deserves more, it is beautiful, where, time willing, tourism will flourish and bring with it new riches and opportunities for its people. It has great resources at its fingerprints, an oil wealth to make any country jealous but its development is slow, unstable, uncoordinated and unfortunately riddled with corruption. Its Portuguese ancestors have not helped instill a better code of morality and productiveness... you can see that many of their mistakes were once our mistakes, that's our fault, I admit that. But there needs to be a better stepping stone from this. There needs to be a way out of this lackadaisical attitude towards the development of their own country, a better use of resources to reach where its most needed.
This country has been through a lot, more than its far share, it's seen death in every family, in every generation. It is scarred by its past and trying to create its own mark in the world, away from its violent and tragic history. But out of this brutal history it should flourish, the right way, not by recreating the mistakes of the past but by learning from good practice. This country is difficult enough without adding more unnecessary drama to everyday work. There needs to be a better understanding of this country's needs. Its foundations, like those of a house, need to be solid, stable and durable. I look forward to seeing these foundations grow into what they deserve to become, what the people deserve to see...but for me, my road in Timor ends here, in one month.
Let the countdown begin.
It also marks the 1 month countdown until my departure from Timor Leste, a weary, somewhat disappointed and exhausted shadow of her former self...
I have one month to go...somehow that seems to sum it all.
I will be counting these days avidly, deliriously wishing for that imminent day to arrive!
When I was called up for an interview to come I was asked 4, maybe 5 questions. One of them was, "are you ready to live in a post-conflict country with minimum to basic conditions?" Having lived in Angola during the civil war when power cuts and water shortages were more frequent than not, when we would wake up in the middle of the night with gunfire and where the sight of crippled or amputated men, women and children was a daily occurrence, I said "Yes, of course". And to be honest I was, I still am. I have never been one to cringe at camping it out, living with the bare necessities, making the most out of a dire situation...an optimist if we must stay, but living in Timor has taken a very unexpected toll on my sanity and well-being, two things which I am in a hurry to recover...
Don't get me wrong, I really liked my experience here. It has been like no other that I have ever had, in all senses. My national and international colleagues have been great and the elections have been really exciting, something I will never forget...
But I feel beaten down and everyday that passes something else occurs that only further instills in mind the need to go, to depart...maybe to come back another day, in a couple of years, when this country has had a better chance to grow, where it is not crippled by incompetence and nepotism. This country deserves more, it is beautiful, where, time willing, tourism will flourish and bring with it new riches and opportunities for its people. It has great resources at its fingerprints, an oil wealth to make any country jealous but its development is slow, unstable, uncoordinated and unfortunately riddled with corruption. Its Portuguese ancestors have not helped instill a better code of morality and productiveness... you can see that many of their mistakes were once our mistakes, that's our fault, I admit that. But there needs to be a better stepping stone from this. There needs to be a way out of this lackadaisical attitude towards the development of their own country, a better use of resources to reach where its most needed.
This country has been through a lot, more than its far share, it's seen death in every family, in every generation. It is scarred by its past and trying to create its own mark in the world, away from its violent and tragic history. But out of this brutal history it should flourish, the right way, not by recreating the mistakes of the past but by learning from good practice. This country is difficult enough without adding more unnecessary drama to everyday work. There needs to be a better understanding of this country's needs. Its foundations, like those of a house, need to be solid, stable and durable. I look forward to seeing these foundations grow into what they deserve to become, what the people deserve to see...but for me, my road in Timor ends here, in one month.
Let the countdown begin.
Very well written, Filipa! Congratulations for being able to transmit your experience in just a few concise words. I learnt a lot about Timor, the inside hidden part of it, the real thing... Following your reports was quite enriching and I am going to miss your daily posts. I bet NYC is going to be a nice although well known change for you. Take care! All the best! Love, Ana
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